Helpful Suggestions

What is generally not helpful to you as you go through the divorce process? – Specific legal advice from family and friends.

Family and friends should be consulted with and relied on for emotional and logistical issues, such as dealing with child custody and visitation, whether to sell the family home, and other such personal matters. It is important, if you feel it necessary, to seek professional counseling.

It has been my experience, however, that all too often well-meaning family and friends (especially those who have gone through the divorce process) have what they think are helpful suggestions for you on legal issues.

Most often, they base their “advice” on their own divorce experiences. While all divorces have elements in common, almost every divorce has specific factual and legal issues that are different from every other divorce.

It may be difficult to tell family members and close friends that you would rather not discuss the legal issues, but I strongly recommend it. Thank them for their willingness to help, but explain that you have an attorney and that you are already dealing with the issues the helpful person may want to discuss.


* These are the most helpful links for rules, regulations, and procedures related to divorce and family law in Santa Barbara County:

California Family Law Basics


There are scores of self-help books on divorce and family law. You can spend a fortune buying advice books on divorce, but I recommend against it. Buy one or two at most. The ones listed here are helpful but really should not be your main or only source of information. I still recommend that all clients consult with an attorney before making any important legal decisions.